Sunday, March 2, 2008

Peer pressure vs Peer Influence



What is Peer Pressure? In one of the dictionaries, it describes as 'the influence of a social group on an individual'. In laymen terms, we could say it's the need / urge to conform to the similar kind.


What is Peer Influence then? To me, peer pressure leads to peer influence. When a person feels the need to conform to his/her similar kind, he/she will be influenced to do what ever the peer does or ask him/her to do. Thus, he/she will be accepted in a group. Therefore, everyone is happy! (Happy in a sense that they are same kind now - nobody is different from anybody else).


Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not gonna write a social psychology article today (though I wish I could - I'm not ready yet and not in this blog I guess..). Also, the reason why this blog is created is not because I want to write something too academic. I'm writing because I feel like to write about my experience here, my kids, current happenings and anything that come to my mind at any time and whenever I like it :).


The topic came to my mind the moment I observed my 2 growing up daughters - Sophea (Kakak) and Sobhan (Coan) recently. The age different between them is 2 years. If they're friends, they can be considered as peers since the age difference is not that big. Furthermore, my kids are not allowed to go out after school. Kakak's friend is Coan and Coan's friend is Kakak when they are at home.


What really amaze me was (though I've learned this in college, I didn't experience it then) the peer pressure that Coan has on Kakak (instead of the other way around). Coan (the younger) can influence Kakak to do whatever she asked her to do. Just about anything.


Yesterday, both abang and I observed a few instances. Kakak was having dinner with us while Coan was in front of the TV (Coan refused to eat because she was full with other tit bits that she had before). Then Coan called for Kakak,

"Kakak, mari sini kejap!"

Kakak whose hand was full with rice, could stop and quickly run to Coan. I told her not to to go but she said,

"Takpe, kejap aje"

After she settled things with Coan, Kakak came back and finished her meal. Abang and I just looked at her. Abang said,

"Kenapa kalau neeza panggil dia banyak kali, dia tak menyahut pun, apatah lagi nak datang. Tapi Coan panggil sekali aje, terus berlari tu.."

I just smiled. Actually I've noticed this for a few times and I did tell abang about it. But abang couldn't care less because he didn't observe it himself. Now that he witnessed it, he agreed with me.


It happened again after that. We were in our room. I was about to finish praying when Coan asked Kakak to throw a sweet wrapper of hers into the trash bin,

"Kakak, buang ni!"

Kakak who was busy doing her homework was about to stop when Abang said,

"Coan, pergi buang sendiri. Kakak kan sibuk tu.."

But Kakak offered herself,

"Takpe bah... kakak ambik tong sampah ye"

Kakak even offered herself to take the trash bin so that Coan didn't have to get down from the bed!

"Tak!! Coan turun pergi buang sendiri"

Abang was a bit firm this time.

"Kenapa semuanya nak suruh Kakak? Coan tak boleh turun buang ke?"

Abang scolded her. Then, Coan got down from the bed and threw the wrapper herself. The trash bin was in the room. It was only 3 steps away! But, the not so rajin Coan really made use of her obedient Kakak.


It happened again after that when Abang and I were in the kitchen tried to assemble our new oven (my first baking oven ever heheee.. though it is a small one, it'll be useful to bake cakes, pizza, roast chicken etc - waahhh.. macam rajin aje bunyi heheeee). Kakak was looking at the oven when Coan called her,

"Kakak, sini!"

Kakak run (not walked) quickly to Coan. Abang said,

"Tengok tu, dia boleh berlari bila Coan panggil. Tapi kalau abang ke, neeza ke panggil dia buat tak tahu aje..."


Actually I did ask Kakak once,

"Kenapa bila Coan panggil, Kakak cepat aje pergi? Kakak takut Coan ke?"

"Nanti Coan tak nak kawan Kakak..."

"Ummi kan ada. Kakak boleh kawan dengan Ummi."

"Ummi kawan Shahmey aje..."

Hahahaha!!! Ummi friend's with Shahmey. A 33 opss!! (will be 34 this November) years and a 9 months can be friends??


I guess that is called a peer pressure. Kakak spend most of her time with Coan. She played Barbie Doll with Coan. She played mak mak (wonder why they call it mak mak and not mak ayah hmmm..) with Coan. She played cikgu cikgu with Coan. She played masak masak with Coan. She even built toy house from hardcover books (yes, they used the Gr0lier's Books to build house! - of course it made me angry everytime I saw and also made Abah to get frustrated with me who was responsible to ask abah to pay - "Beribu abang beli, last last buat rumah... bukan baca pun" Sorry la abah... I hope they will read those books one day :)).


I guess, next time when I want to call for Kakak and ask her to do anything, I need to ask Coan to call and ask her on my behalf.. Heheheheeee..

19 sugar & spice:

Ummi said...

Betul juga kata kakak tu. Dan mungkin kakak ni jenis yang lembut hati comapred to coan yang lebih like a leader.

Kat rumah ni pulak, kakak yg jadi raja. mungkin sebab dia sorang perempuan jadi dia tak pandai nak share.

silversarina said...

emm interesting... biasanya terbalik, yang sulung lagi power, tapi I setuju dengan tindakan your hubby, tegas sebab kesian kakak takut sampai besar akan ikut cakap adik.

idham said...

dah baca....:-) tapi baca di opis, belum faham sgt lagi. nanti ulang kaji d rumah nanti. thank you for an informative entry.

ilmu bagus untuk di kongsi.

Idham

Cat Cat said...

Neeza,
It's good to see both your kids *kamcing*.. Anak Cath dua ni, cam minyak & air... Cannot mix at all... Kejap-kejap gaduh, kejap-kejap gaduh... Kalau boleh, Cath nak rotan aje dua-dua minah tu... Geram sangat.

Mior Azhar said...

Neeza,
Wait till your daughter pandai kawan kat sekolah... lagi peer pressure. masa tu kita the parents tak masuk buku dah. My second daughter (baru Form One) dah ada problem ngan kawan kat sekolah so ada sikit susah mau pergi sekolah. Imagine, bila problem dengan boys pulak nanti...oohh tidaaaak.

Fadzila said...

kakak sayang kat Coan tu...cuma kak neeza kena make sure whatever happens at the end Coan should respect and take note apa yg kakak suruh,...not the other way around..

Neeza Shahril said...

Kak Ummi,

Kakak dapat Coan masa dia baru 1 tahun 11 bulan. Coan dapat Shahmey masa dia dah 5 tahun. Rasanya sebab lama dia bongsu kot. Kakak tengok orang selalu lebihkan dia. So, dia assume dia pun kena ikut kata Coan.. agaknya la.. hehee

-----------------------------------

Kak Rina,

memang terbalik kan. Tapi, neeza dulu pun cam tu jugak. Neeza lebih akur dengan adik perempuan (no 3). Tak tahu lah kenapa... same case kot. Dia bongsu lama..

-----------------------------------

Idham,

Its about my kids aje... tak ada information yang menarik sangat pun :)

-----------------------------------

Cath,

takkkk!! diorang tak kamcing all the time. Tapi bila Coan panggil tu maknanya they are okay at that time. Kalau time gaduh, Coan buat hal sendiri, Kakak buat hal sendiri (tu lepas bergaduh la tu heheee..)

-----------------------------------

Pak Mior,

heheee.. takut neeza nak pikir sampai situ. Sekarang ni pun, bila balik, selalu cakap 'Ummi, kakak nak beli baju macam ABC (sweater). Cantik baju dia'. Ummi, Kakak nak rambut macam DEF. cantik laa..' adoi laaa... risau betul..

-----------------------------------

Fadzila,

Dia sayang masa nak ajak main aje. Kalau dia tak geng, dia tak kisah pun heheeeee.. Akak memang selalu make sure Coan respect Kakak and selalu ingatkan Kakak jangan ikutkan sangat Coan tu...

MAMAMIA said...

Dari kecil sampai tua susah nak lari dari peer pressure. We just want to be accepted by those around us.

Jie said...

mcm anak sedara...kakak siap gosok2 kaki adik lelaki time nak tido...tp skrg ni masing2 kat kolej yg berbeza...dah tak mcm tu lagi.

Neeza Shahril said...

mamamia,

betul tu. kalau tidak jadi lah kita hidup sengsorang kan.. hehee

-----------------------------------

Kak Jie,

heheee.. anak neeza tak lah sampai gitu.. bilo tidur, masing masing hal sendiri.. hehee

WanHidayat said...

Salam akak....heheheh...'peer pressure' and 'peer influence'...baru dua org tu akak....nnti dah makin ramai, tak tahu nak kata and buat mcm mana...mesti anak2 akak jenis yang ceria2 kan...spt ibunya....hhehehehe

Ummi said...

hah...
tu baru 3 org anak. ummi ni 8 beradik kak, fenin gitu! sorg gini, sorg gitu. paling x tahan, kalau kwn mintak tlg, laju aje dia offer diri tp kalau kite mintak tlg, jgn harapla. my lil bro plak lain citer, kalau umi yg suruh, dia buat. kalau kakak2 dia yg lain mintak tlg, jgn harapla. hehehe. dia pilih kasih tu. sbb tu umi syg dia lebih kot :P

maklang said...

asalkan happy aje sudah...asalkan they can take the pressure it will be good already!

Neeza Shahril said...

Dayat,

kalau ramai tak tahu lah tu.. hehehe.. ceria? memang sangat cerita sampai macam nak pecah rumah ni bising lagi, memanjat sana sini...

-----------------------------------

Ummi,

kalau 8 akak surrender la kot hehehe... hmmm.. mesti ummi selalu beli chocolate untuk dia masa kecil.. hehehee

-----------------------------------

Mak Lang,

harapnya gitu la... :)

Kak Lady said...

Betullah neeza...kadang kita heran...bila adik atau kakak yang panggil...berlari diorang datang...tapi kalau kita panggil...berkali2 suara dah tinggi baru nak datang...geram kan?

zino said...

kat rumah zino dulu alang yg suka bully fizah.. apa yg kita suruh dia pass kat fizah..

fizahh abah suruh buat itu.. abah suruh buat ini.. pada hal kita minta dia yg buat hehe

Neeza Shahril said...

Kak Lady,

agaknya dia tahu kalau kita panggil, mesti pasal nak suruh buat kerja. Tapi kalau adik beradik dia panggil, nak ajak main.. heheeheee

-----------------------------------

Zino,

hehheee.. ye ke?? neeza belum kena lagi gitu. Kecik lagi agaknya budak budak ni... hehee

Investment OIL GAS said...

Hello Everybody,
My name is Mrs Sharon Sim. I live in singapore and i am a happy woman today? and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of $250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD fearing man loan lender that help me with a loan of $250,000.00 U.S. Dollar, he is a GOD fearing man, if you are in need of loan and you will pay back the loan please contact him tell him that is Mrs Sharon, that refer you to him. contact Dr Purva Pius,via email:(urgentloan22@gmail.com)Thank you


LOAN APPLICATION FORM.

(1)Full Name:
(2)Country:
(3)State:
(4)Address:
(5)Sex:
(6)Occupation:
(7)Amount needed:
(8)Loan duration:
(9)Loan purpose:
(10)Telephone

Email Us:(urgentloan22@gmail.com)

Investment OIL GAS said...

Hello Everybody,
My name is Mrs Sharon Sim. I live in singapore and i am a happy woman today? and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of $250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD fearing man loan lender that help me with a loan of $250,000.00 U.S. Dollar, he is a GOD fearing man, if you are in need of loan and you will pay back the loan please contact him tell him that is Mrs Sharon, that refer you to him. contact Dr Purva Pius,via email:(urgentloan22@gmail.com)Thank you


LOAN APPLICATION FORM.

(1)Full Name:
(2)Country:
(3)State:
(4)Address:
(5)Sex:
(6)Occupation:
(7)Amount needed:
(8)Loan duration:
(9)Loan purpose:
(10)Telephone

Email Us:(urgentloan22@gmail.com)