I was paged by a friend through YM last week. His 2nd line of message was,
"I baru je lepas gaduh dengan my wife"
I frowned and sent a message back asking a few questions. Let me name my friend as M. First of all, I never expect M to have a problem with his wife since I thought, they are happily married. Secondly, as far as I know, M was not the kind who likes to tell people about his personal problem. All these while, M told me all happy moments concerning his family. I'm sure if there was any problem, he had handled it very well.
M started the story by telling me how his wife being so suspicious of him. According to him, his wife was never like that. Only recently she always asked his whereabouts. I told him that the wife must have love him so much. Afterall, people get jealous because they love their partners (I think). Well, it reminded me of myself actually. I asked a lot - being very interrogative towards Abang. I know my husband get suffocated sometimes with my never ending 'bullets'. I know I should not do that.
The conversation (through YM of course) continued with his complaints about his wife. M said his wife had been regularly went out and mingle with the friends - with reasons of course. Though he didn't give any permission, the wife still went out. I told M that perhaps the wife has promised her friends and it was kind of awkward to cancel an appointment at a very last minute.
I was thinking for a while. First he told me that his wife being so suspicious towards him. Then he complained about the wife. I think something must have lead by the other. Then I made an analization which I didn't tell M yet.
The way I analyzed this:
M's mind - M noticed his wife has been regularly went out. Before this, it was okay since the life was not too demanding. Now, so much work need to be done at home. By staying home alone, M has to complete those tasks that were supposed to be done by his wife. This is not fair! I have to make my wife to stay home. She has to limit her outings. The family should come first.
The wife mind - M's wife wonder, why as a sudden M became so annoying (prohibit her from going out - she went out before but M never question). Perhaps he has a 'secret' outside that he doesn't want her to know. Aha!!! I should find what his secret is. So, I have to ask him a lot. I have to know where he went and with whom he went out. I don't care. I'm not that stupid that he can cheat behind my back...
I told M that he was lucky that he mengadu to me (I really hope he didn't go and mengadu to someone else after that). Other people make take advantage of the situation that M was having. The person chould worsen the problem instead of trying to find a solution.
I was very careful in responding to M's complaint. I asked M about the wife's birthday. He told me it was a few days back. He didn't buy anything for his wife and that made me quite angry. To a woman, birthday is a very special day. Any woman would expect her husband to remember the date and give something special like a gift. He told me that he always bought his wife gifts even though it wasn't her birthday. Again, I told him a birthday is special. He has to remember and he has to give her something, especially for her birthday. The price is not important. The thoughts that important. That shows the care and tenderness of a man.
In my opinion, some women are more attracted to a caring than a rich man. That's why a long distance relationship doesn't work for women, sometimes.
I also requested M to have a discussion with his wife. Communication is another crucial component in a relationship. Many marriages fail due to lack of good communication. If M doesn't like his wife to be out during weekend, he has to tell his wife nicely. Perhaps he should consider himself too. Look at himself. Did he regularly went out too? Perhaps, they should spend time together once in a while - having a candle light dinner like the good old days (all advices should go to myself too ;))
After that day, I didn't chat with M anymore. I hope things get better for him and the wife.
M, if you're reading this, I know you can sense that this entry is meant for you. I just wanna tell you something. Sometimes, we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. So, before losing it, we need to make sure 'the things' that we have are well kept. A sacrifice is worth while too...
To M's wife (I'm not sure if she reads my blog), you have a good husband. I'll always pray for your happiness. Take care.