Wednesday, April 23, 2008

think of your family my friend...



I was paged by a friend through YM last week. His 2nd line of message was,

"I baru je lepas gaduh dengan my wife"

I frowned and sent a message back asking a few questions. Let me name my friend as M. First of all, I never expect M to have a problem with his wife since I thought, they are happily married. Secondly, as far as I know, M was not the kind who likes to tell people about his personal problem. All these while, M told me all happy moments concerning his family. I'm sure if there was any problem, he had handled it very well.


M started the story by telling me how his wife being so suspicious of him. According to him, his wife was never like that. Only recently she always asked his whereabouts. I told him that the wife must have love him so much. Afterall, people get jealous because they love their partners (I think). Well, it reminded me of myself actually. I asked a lot - being very interrogative towards Abang. I know my husband get suffocated sometimes with my never ending 'bullets'. I know I should not do that.


The conversation (through YM of course) continued with his complaints about his wife. M said his wife had been regularly went out and mingle with the friends - with reasons of course. Though he didn't give any permission, the wife still went out. I told M that perhaps the wife has promised her friends and it was kind of awkward to cancel an appointment at a very last minute.


I was thinking for a while. First he told me that his wife being so suspicious towards him. Then he complained about the wife. I think something must have lead by the other. Then I made an analization which I didn't tell M yet.


The way I analyzed this:

M's mind - M noticed his wife has been regularly went out. Before this, it was okay since the life was not too demanding. Now, so much work need to be done at home. By staying home alone, M has to complete those tasks that were supposed to be done by his wife. This is not fair! I have to make my wife to stay home. She has to limit her outings. The family should come first.


The wife mind - M's wife wonder, why as a sudden M became so annoying (prohibit her from going out - she went out before but M never question). Perhaps he has a 'secret' outside that he doesn't want her to know. Aha!!! I should find what his secret is. So, I have to ask him a lot. I have to know where he went and with whom he went out. I don't care. I'm not that stupid that he can cheat behind my back...



I told M that he was lucky that he mengadu to me (I really hope he didn't go and mengadu to someone else after that). Other people make take advantage of the situation that M was having. The person chould worsen the problem instead of trying to find a solution.


I was very careful in responding to M's complaint. I asked M about the wife's birthday. He told me it was a few days back. He didn't buy anything for his wife and that made me quite angry. To a woman, birthday is a very special day. Any woman would expect her husband to remember the date and give something special like a gift. He told me that he always bought his wife gifts even though it wasn't her birthday. Again, I told him a birthday is special. He has to remember and he has to give her something, especially for her birthday. The price is not important. The thoughts that important. That shows the care and tenderness of a man.


In my opinion, some women are more attracted to a caring than a rich man. That's why a long distance relationship doesn't work for women, sometimes.


I also requested M to have a discussion with his wife. Communication is another crucial component in a relationship. Many marriages fail due to lack of good communication. If M doesn't like his wife to be out during weekend, he has to tell his wife nicely. Perhaps he should consider himself too. Look at himself. Did he regularly went out too? Perhaps, they should spend time together once in a while - having a candle light dinner like the good old days (all advices should go to myself too ;))


After that day, I didn't chat with M anymore. I hope things get better for him and the wife.


Notes:

M, if you're reading this, I know you can sense that this entry is meant for you. I just wanna tell you something. Sometimes, we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. So, before losing it, we need to make sure 'the things' that we have are well kept. A sacrifice is worth while too...


To M's wife (I'm not sure if she reads my blog), you have a good husband. I'll always pray for your happiness. Take care.

22 sugar & spice:

Umi Kalthum Ngah said...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah,

Ingat lagikah lagu P.Ramlee?

"Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit..apa pula...."(sambung sendiri, ya?)

Wasalam...

maklang said...

Betul..treasure what you have in hand...kalau dah terbang...putih mata ajelaa...

Bagus Neeza, tak lama lagi boleh jadi marriage consultant...

kita bila pulak nak YM ye...

zino said...

neeza..
satu perkara penting dalam hubungan suami isteri ni "is a good communication..." kadang kala kita ni "take thing for granted.." dan selalu membuat andaian terhadap sesuatu perkara..

sehingga akhir nya yg kecil menjadi besar yg remeh menjadi penting dan sebagai nya..

Cat Cat said...

I agree with you Neeza...

One will never appreciate what he/she has till it's gone.

I had a very long relationship with my ex-bf before I met my loving husband. My ex-bf and I were together for more than 7 years. Long story short - it was too late when he realised that he had lost true relationship that I ended. He begged, he cried and he pleaded... Too late was all I said.

Fadzila said...

rasanya the wife needs sometimes for herself..penatlakan duk kat umah jer..the hubby take things for granted...the wife also needs a life kan..?

silversarina said...

salam,

Akak pernah ada kawan yang serupa macam kes M ni.. awalnya suami dia tak sekat ke mana di pergi sebab as a housewife memang dia perlukan time out to be wehre she wanted to be ie outing with friends, shopping etc but ia jadi terlambat bila the wife ada affair dengan lelaki lain ... tapi mereka berdamai sebab kedua-duanya sedar kesilapan masing2 ...

walaupun akak housewife dan selalu berjauhan dengan suami tapi akak nak nasihatkan para suami jangan bagi kebebasan berlebihan dan kepada para isteri jangan khianati kebebasan yang diberi.

Ummi said...

I have been hearing about this a lot lately. Dah jadi macam drama minggu ini. Adakah ia disebabkan masyarakat sekeliling. Adakah ia disebabkan manusia sedang berlumba2 mencari kekayaan sampai terlupa akan kasih sayang? Entahlah ummi pun tak ada jawapan.

Shila Razlan said...

Interesting post. Been there, done that in my err... 10 years of marriage. I think it all boils down to one thing: TRUST. Which is easier said than earned.

pB said...

hilae tigo pak hari

timbul timbul

jadik ka un se ler ...


caya ler

Neeza Shahril said...

Kak NeenaUmi,

Waalaikumsalam warahmatullah..

P Ramlee pun dah siap2 buat lagu untuk orang2 sekarang kan..
Orang sekarang yang selalu sangat jadi cam tu..
pandai betul dia...

===================================

Mak Lang,

Neeza tak sesuai sebenarnya Mak Lang.. sebab Neeza ni pun 'keras kepala' jugak..

Sekadar dengar dan bagi nasihat berdasarkan apa yang Neeza sendiri alami boleh la kot..

YM? Tu la.. neeza nak juga minta number telefon, email dengan Mak Lang ni...

===================================

Zino,

Neeza suka bila Zino kata membuat andaian tu.. memang ramai, termasuklah Neeza sendiri, suka buat andaian bagi pihak 1 lagi...

Zino dah lama jadi suami isteri, mesti banyak asam garam kan..

Sharelah dengan kami... tulis kat blog, camne?? hehehehhh...

Neeza Shahril said...

Cath,

wow!! 7 years tu lama Cath. I'm sure you guys dah planned so many things kan..

Menyesal dah tak guna kan Cath..
that's why it's always wise to think for 100 times before making huge decision cam tu kan..

===================================

Fadzila,

the wife tu kerja juga sebenarnya, bukan cam akak ni.. hehee..

Mungkin dia ada reason sendiri yang kita tak tahu kan...

===================================

Kak Rina,

Kadang2 bila diberi kebebasan melampau pun bahaya jugak.
Memang ada kes macam tu, Neeza pernah jumpa jugak tu..

Alhamdulillah dapat baik semula..
Kalau dibuatnya tak baik semula, kesian... kat anak2 lah especiallynya kan..

Neeza Shahril said...

Kak Ummi,

Agaknya, kita ni suka compare. Bila kita rasa apa yang kita ada tak cukup memuaskan hati, mula lah hati rasa panas..

Yang penting persefahaman kot..

(I should tell this to myself too sebenarnya...)

===================================

Shila,

hi Shila! thanks for being here..

as long as we have that little thing called 'doubt', it's not easy to gain the trust.

Perhaps, we have to istighfar a lot kan...

===================================

Kak pb,

hehehe.. hilae tu sebak idea tubik sekali dale maso 3 hari..

kaunselor utk rumoh tanggo ni, Ja tok layok tu...

Ja sediri pung dok blajar lagi nih... :)

Jie said...

Betul tu neeza, komunikasi penting sangat...kakjie ada sorang kawan..dia ada gak mengadu ttg isteri dia...ttp selepas kenal dia lebih 2 thn kakjie rasa masalah tu berpunca dari sang suami..tetapi dia terlalu ego dan susah untuk terima pendapat org..agaknya setelah bertahun hidup bersama..isteri rasa " kebal", tiada perasaan apa² lagi..nak marah..nak merajuk pun dah tak kuasa...sebab suami bukan tahu menghargai.

Dan...dia pun tak pernah ucap atau belikan sebiji kek pun untuk isteri sepanjang perkahwinan itu...tetapi isteri telah berikan dia 4 orang anak sekarang.

perempuan( isteri) suka dihargai...

manje said...

salam...

bagi manje lah setiap perkara yang remeh temeh yang asal nye kecik aje... kalau boleh selesaikan secepat mungkin... kkdg disimpan lelame akn jd barah... dan punca nak gaduh2...

tapi kan baik lelaki dan pompuan dua2nya saling perlu memerlukan... jadinya kene la saling menghargai... samada dari segi perbuatan dan kata2...

zino said...

neeza
macam2 dah di lalui.. ada musim panas ada musim sejuk bagai..hehe

Neeza Shahril said...

Kak Jie,

geram juga dengan suami yang ego terlebih2 ni. Dia ingat isteri takde perasaan agaknya..

Isteri pun manusia yang perlukan penghargaan kan Kak Jie..

Bila dah kehilangan isteri, barulah nak menyesal...

===================================

Manje,

salam manje..

kalau kita tak tahu menghargai pasangan, takut orang lain yang hargai..

kan susah nanti.. heheee..

===================================

Zino,

Musim panas tu tak larat.. musim sejuk tak nak la sejuk sangat..

apa2 pun, apa kata zino pulak share tips2 hehehe..

maklang said...

ym maklang nazdin_2000@yahoo.com..

neomesuff said...

OUCH!

tulipurple said...

betoi tu sis...good communication is the very the important in marriage beside trust lah kan.
kan ku jadikan analisis mu ini sebagai panduan hidup alam rumahtangga ku yg belum lg lepas 'alam perkenalan' bak kata dr.fadzilah kamsah itew.
semoga kita semua disatukan di bawahkan payung rahmahNya.

p/s:mwahhh mwahhh skit kat sis yg rajin bercoleteh ini...celoteh yg penuh hikmah gitu..wenduu aa..ihiks'

Neeza Shahril said...

Mak Lang,

terima kasih.. neeza dah add pun.
tunggu confirmation dari Mak Lang aje :)

===================================

Normi,

need a plaster? hehehh..

===================================

Tulip,

alahai adik comel ni.. lama tak nampak.. baru dia muncul..

akak pun sama tulip. Ni kira, peringatan untuk diri sendiri juga ni walaupun akak dah lepas alam perkenalan tu hehehe..

*mmuuaahhh balik*

pakpayne said...

:-) Ja....

semoga M dan isteri berbaik2....bagus sekali counselling dari Ja tu.

mesjid jgn di bairkan runtuh. bergegar arasi!

Neeza Shahril said...

Pakpayne,

sebenarnyo, disamping nasihat ke dia, Ja nasihat diri sendiri jugok tu..
supaya tok jadi lagu tu...